Sunday, February 28, 2016

I've shared a few childhood memories on this blog.  This is one that I may regret.  But I'm in my mid-fifties and my motives to impress have receded with my hairline and sagged with my waistline.
 I recall how my Mom would gather my brother and I every night to kneel by the couch and say our prayers before bed. At 5 minutes in, we were anxiously swaying to and fro on our knee caps, occasionally doing the one-eyed squinty peep to see if Mama had settled into the "lounging" kneel which signaled the circumference of our supplications would extend to 4th and 5th cousins. She was one of this would take awhile.  At 10 minutes in, my younger brother had usually surrendered in silent battle to the sandman.  He would lay there in a contorted fashion that testified he had done his best to maintain a posture of reverence to the very end.  At 15 minutes, our pools of drool would puddle together like liquid mercury from broken thermometers. Then, at some point, Mama would utter the words, "in Jesus' name", which triggered a series of involuntary, yet instinctive,  muscle contractions that somehow jolted our bodies back into the kneeling position just in time for the long awaited "Amen".  Then... it was our turn. My brother and I would quickly name off each family member and friend as if brevity would invite an early release. Notta.
 We owe our mother such a wonderful debt that we can faintly repay.  But I always held back one prayer for the privacy of my bedroom.  I recall asking God for super powers...understandably a young child's fantasy. I can't recall exactly which powers, but flying certainly was one.  The troubling part was that it didn't stop there.  I included in my petition that He needed to create monsters in the world so that I could defeat them... big monsters. I'm not sure what that says about me.  But what was the point in having super powers if there were no monsters to defeat?  I was a big Ultraman fan. However, I'm not sure why.  Ultraman  never showed up until most of Tokyo's power grid was in the dirt.

How wonderful to be so childishly naïve as to not realize that we have enough monsters already. Godzilla is easy enough to pick out as he is tearing down power lines and such.  But satan can be much more difficult to recognize. He is a beautiful master of disguise.  How naïve for us to not realize that we need the supernatural power of Christ in our lives everyday. 
I know I may read like I'm handling my loss swimmingly.  But there are moments and minutes when I feel I may drown. That's inevitable. I was warned by others how it would be. But whatever your monster may be, we can't let those moments and minutes become hours and days.  No matter who you are someone relies on you to be a light for them...although you may not even be aware you are being watched.  Don't hesitate to summon that power of Christ as we can not fight these demons alone.  And I mean that quite literally.  I mentioned before how I was an agnostic about God, don't be an agnostic about satan.


  1. HA HA HA Amazing writer! I share your posts with several friends and family members, and we are learning from and loving every word. We can relate to your childhood prayertime reflections. My knees hurt just thinking about it. It was my Mom, Dad, sister, and I who would kneel around my bed at night to say our prayers. As we learned new prayers at school, we would add them to our night prayers. Looking back, I treasure those times. As I would get into bed, I always felt like my Guardian Angel was protecting me from those demons you mention. Now that, like you, I'm in my mid 50's, I see how I've often times actually let those demons win by not spending more time in prayer, focusing on my losses instead of victories, being lukewarm in my love for God and not being on fire. Your posts are doing me a lot of good. In your grief, you're helping me with my grief, you're making me laugh again, but you're reminding me of where I need to get back on track. You and your family have been a candle of light for me. Thank you.

  2. Thank you,Birdy. I'd say you have a little "writer" in you. Your comment has made my evening!