Friday, January 15, 2016

I'm sharing this in response to several messages from friends who are having trouble with Whit's passing as it relates to their faith, I love them dearly.
My family and I have received so many encouraging messages and comments that it is a bit a very good way. But, speaking for myself, I must confess that I have been bitter. I have been angry. The live oak in my front yard bears a few heel marks from the times when I could not make Whit's pain go away. For weeks I couldn't even listen to Christian radio as I lacked the will or desire to praise God. I felt neither blessed nor highly favored. I lost my "song". I feared that if I lost Whitney, I could never really sing a song of praise again. And, if I did, I would have to "fake it" so my brothers and sisters in Christ would not worry about me, I even strongly considered resigning my position as a church board member as I felt I was losing my compassion, During the worst times, the only way to maintain your ability to function as a caregiver is to somehow "unplug" your compassion for your loved one...not react to the awful pain they are feeling, or find the strength to turn them in their bed to avoid bedsores knowing it is you who is inflicting the pain. If you aren't careful, you can become indifferent to everyone's pain.
But something happened the morning Dr. Saylors came in to give us the dreaded news. At the worst possible moment of all the "worst possible moments", God gave me peace...not a little, but total. It is said that we can find peace as Christians. But I say that peace seeks us out--His peace finds us. We only have to let it in. And I know it's real for even in her pain, even in her last hours, throughout the visitation and funeral... I had that peace. What was most remarkable was that after the funeral, as we sat around the living room, Ryan and Patrick walked in discussing how they experienced that same overwhelming sense of peace as Whit was laid to rest.
I am blessed and highly favored. I held my beautiful daughter for over 28 years. Many parents have never known the wonder of holding their unborn children. I was able to say goodbye to my daughter--to drink her in for a full year. Many never had a chance to say goodbye to their loved ones who were taken too quickly. I have no regrets. Many have lost loved ones before making things right. I have two beautiful grandchildren who are part of who she was. And, most importantly, I know she is in heaven. If you are a Christian, tell your loved ones often that you are --to quote Whitney-- "Good to go". If you are not a Christian, consider listening to what your heart tells you when you all other noises are silent.
So, there you have it---I ain't "all that". But, I think it's okay to get angry with God. He's a big guy. Just never allow yourself to become indifferent to God. So, if you see me singing a song of praise, I ain't faking it. I got my song back. And you guys have everything to do with that.
I hope this helped someone out there as much as so many out there have helped me.
Thanks, Stacy Hardee
Too sleepy to proofread.


  1. Stacy - thanks for your posting. I never knew Whitney except thru this blog. I believe I saw something on facebook a long time ago about her fight against cancer and her faith in God inspired me to begin following her blog.

    As it was, I woke up about 30 minutes after you did this post and couldn't sleep. I thought I would check my messages and email and saw your posting. I cried and cried. Why, because whenever I saw THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE I immediately wanted to read about Whitney's journey and her faith. I have struggled about what to write to you.

    I am "Good to Go" and I know Whitney is experiencing a glorious eternal life but I am sad for family and friends remaining because I know you all miss her so.

    Peace be to you and know that your daughter Whitney touched so many lives. Her faith in God was truly inspirational. I will be excited to meet her one day.

    BSSYP- Be Sweet and Say Your Prayers,
    Debbie Weber

    1. Thank you Debbie. We do miss her so much, but comments like yours let us know that there was a purpose to her life and the makes all the difference.

  2. Dear Stacy I also found Whitney's blog via facebook and I became a follower. She was so upbeat and positive and in my daily prayers. I am a mom and grandma and I can only imagine the pain you and her family are all going through. Your last two posts are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing the nakedness of your pain and your vulnerability.

    I was an pediatric oncology nurse for 32 years and have sat at the bedside and at funerals for may young people. One has to have faith in the face of death or they are lost. So blessed are we who walk in faith to have God's grace to heal us and carry us to where we need to be to once again face life without our loved one. He knows our pain and He knows why we are hurt and angry. Your testimony is so real and so strong. I know the days ahead will be difficult and I will pray for all of you that God and Whitney's love for you all will help bring you to the sun and give you peace.

    1. Thank you, Catie. About 10 of Whit's nurses traveled over an hour to come to her visitation. Not only did they have compassion, they shared her faith. It takes special folks to work in oncology...especially with children. Thank you for your service in that area. I'm sure you had many rewards, but carried many burdens for your young patients.

  3. Hi, my name is Trish and I live in Tennessee. I want to send my deepest heartfelt condolences to your and your family. I didn't know Whitney personally but had been following her journey since I ran across her blog a few months ago. Count me as another who's life was touched by your beautiful daughter and her amazing faith. I look forward to meeting her in heaven one day! God bless, and thank you for the blog touched my heart.

  4. Thank you, Trish. Whit loved Tennessee.

  5. Stacy, please accept my condolences. I don't even remember how I stumbled across Whitney's blog but I was so blessed by it and prayed for her numerous times. Her faith and maturity in Christ was so amazing and her light shone so brightly. I am glad that she is now able to experience the joys of heaven and knows in fullness what those of us here are still looking forward to. Praying for comfort for you and your family. Thank you so much for your honest and moving words.

    Debbie Z.