Saturday, July 25, 2015
Sorry I haven't posted in a few weeks! I have been super busy with my children, and loving every minute of it :). My Luke, who will be one in less than 3 weeks, does not like Mommy to have much computer time unless he is banging on the keyboard!
So I have been on chemo break for a month now. I had a few days where I was ready to take on the world, and then I quickly learned that I need to take things a bit slower. I'm beginning to have much more energy and I am feeling more like myself before chemo. I had a great follow up appointment on Wednesday. Nothing new happened of course, it was just a follow up, but I asked some questions I had been afraid to bring up before and I feel so much better after talking about it. I had been having some pain in my back and through my ribs for a couple of weeks, but it is gone now, so my doc feels sure that it is just from the chemo I was on. It does take quite a while for it to get out of your system, and also I carry Luke around all the time and he's heavy.
I asked if my situation has changed in the grand scheme of things since I first walked in the door and she said YES. I asked if my "5 years" was maybe looking like more and she said YES. I've responded really well to treatment and chemotherapy has come so far in the last 5 years, there will certainly be new improvements in the future. I know that God is my healer and I believe I am healed by His power. And I also know that only God knows when my life here will end...but it sure felt good to hear that from my oncologist that day. I have struggled while in that pain. Satan took the opportunity to attack and to be honest, I cried almost every time I looked at my children because all I could think about was things turning for the worst and having to leave them. There were moments when I felt like I had failed in my faith, but looking back, I don't believe that is true. I am human and we cannot comprehend God's understanding. I'm His and He knows my heart. He is mine, and I know He holds my future. What a comforting fact, right?
My cousin and I have been doing laps around the ballfield near my house. Today we decided to take on the Cooper River Bridge and we made it across and back! We got up early because we live an hour away, and walked a total of 5.5 miles. The view was beautiful and so was the experience. I'm certain we will be feeling that walk tomorrow! Also, my hair is growing super fast. I wake up every morning looking like a cockatoo and it's awesome. My sweet Taylor is getting ready to start the 1st grade, and my sweet Luke is beginning to take steps. I am so overwhelmed with how blessed I am! God is so good! He never ceases to amaze me with His grace. More soon :).
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
I went for walk this evening and I was able to jog a little more than last time. I get so overwhelmed with gratitude during moments like these. I am just so grateful for the strength and the energy to do what I want. I do not take these victories lightly. We all want this. We all want to win our battle and we all want to not only live, but have a good quality of life. Many are not able to experience this.
On my walk I noticed a small bird chasing off a much larger bird and I thought of David in the Bible. We all know the story I’m talking about. David was not some great warrior. But he was brave and he had an amazing faith in God. When David informed Saul that he needn’t worry about the Philistine giant, Saul said to him “You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.” But David was confident. He had fought off lions and bears while watching his father’s sheep and he declared, “The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.” We know how the story ends. David took down the big bad giant with a stone. He wore no armor. He had no sword, no spear. He had faith and a stone and he gave God all the glory.
I want to be like David. I want to stand in front of my giant and proclaim that it is defeated. I want to be fearless because I know my God will rescue me from my circumstances. He’s never failed before, He will not fail now. God never changes. He is the same now as He was in the biblical times. He is still working miracles and showing us His grace. It’s just not as advertised as all the negative things going on in the world today. I’ve said it a million times…God is bigger than any of this!