Two high five's for chemo #10
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Thursday morning as I was sitting in the chemo suite preparing to get hooked up to chemo round 10, I received a text from my brother saying my home had been broken into. We've been staying with my parents while I'm on treatment because my husband works shift work and my Mom helps me tremendously with the kids. Our home is only about 3 minutes down the road so we are in and out often checking on things. We knew there was a possibility that we could be burglarized while we were away so we did not have many valuables there. So thank God they did not get much, but they did get some things. What really broke my heart though was not what they took, but the fact that they know what my family is going through. Everyone around here knows my situation. And they used that. They broke my back door and went through my things, my children's things. I almost did not take my traditional picture I take each time I get chemo, because I didn't think I would be able to smile with that on my mind. BUT, I did it. I smiled and I encouraged those that I could through facebook and kept on going. The person who invaded my home, does not have the power to invade my heart. They will have to answer for the terrible things they have done. Like I've said in a past blog, satan is angry when we do God's work. Tuesday night I gave my testimony at a church in Hemingway and it was an amazing night. They had worship and prayer and God was all over that place! So although I am attacked on different occasions, I am not broken. I am still standing and I'm not going to change my routine. I was honored to be the speaker at Andrews Relay for Life last night and I pray that my story was able to give someone hope. There is always hope!
Sunday, April 19, 2015
I had chemo round 9 on Thursday. God has blessed this chemo that runs through my veins. I'm not afraid of it, and I'm not afraid of cancer. My God is bigger than all of this. I can't believe it's almost scan time again. Just three more weeks!
Tuesday, I took a nice long walk, just me and my dog Bella and the woods. I spent some time being quiet, and just listening to the breeze through the trees. Then I prayed and prayed, asking for healing. Suddenly, I stopped! I started thanking my Father because the work is already done. I believe these next scans will confirm that. I do not believe there is any cancer left in my body!
So I have been thinking about how it must feel to get that news. I can't even imagine how overjoyed we will be! I'm trying to understand the term "remission" because I know that is the word that will be used. So I've been researching cured vs. remission and I found an article that really helps me embrace that word instead of letting fear linger there in the cracks. If I believe I am healed while in remission=I am cured! If I believe that it won't come back=I am CURED.
I have been so blessed in this journey, even through the suffering! I thank God for my suffering; I learned so much in those dark days. I thank God for the pain; I learned how strong I am with God's grace. And I truly appreciate what it means to feel GOOD. Of course life will never go back to the way it was before. There will always be scans, etc. I am forever changed by this! I mean that in the best possible way. God is so good! Life is so good! Count your blessings.
Here's that article I was talking about:
When we came back I got to meet an awesome group of people, the Ulman Cancer Fund for Young Adults! They took time to visit the patients at Charleston Cancer Center during their journey on their bicycles from Baltimore to the Florida Keys. I really enjoyed the visit! This is their website if you'd like to check them out: http://www.ulmanfund.org/
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
I wasn't sure about sharing this one, but I keep feeling pressed to share this view of death/dying. So I’m going to obey, here it goes.
We're all going to die, unless Jesus comes back to take us home before that time comes. Some might say, “Why worry about that now? We have plenty of time!” Wrong. We all need to think about the end, as depressing as that may sound. It’s just reality. Are you ready? I wasn’t. The thought of death absolutely terrified me. I wasn't sure what would happen to me afterwards. Have I lived a life that is pleasing to God? Do I have that relationship with Him, that will ensure my entry into Heaven? The thought of an afterlife was so huge, so beyond my understanding, I wasn't even sure I believed in it. All of this changed when I found out I was dying, when my end didn't seem quite so far away.
After accepting a closer walk with my Savior, I am not afraid of death. I know exactly where I am going when I take my last breath. It will be easy. Peaceful. I will walk…no, run, into the arms of my Father. I still can’t wrap my mind around it, and I’m not sure that I ever will, really. But I know I’m ready when my time comes, and that’s a good feeling. Those that we have lost, they are rejoicing in Heaven! They will never suffer again, they will never shed a tear. No pain, no sadness.
Don’t get me wrong, I am fighting with everything I have to live. While I love my Father and I look forward to meeting Him in Heaven, I want to live here on Earth as long as I can. I want to be with my family and enjoy His blessings for the rest of my long life. That is the part that still scares me; leaving my babies, leaving my family. I feel like my death will be easy, but the thought of my children growing up without me is unbearable. So the battle is on, and glory to God it is already won. By His stripes, I am healed!
John 14: 1-4
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”
Monday, April 6, 2015
God picked this one just for me. God knows what my future holds, because he holds my future. He knew when I met Patrick Cox 14 years ago, he would be the perfect partner and friend in this battle, although I would have never thought so back then. The people who love us, fight with us. They fight with everything they have. I cannot imagine being in Patrick's shoes. I would much rather weather this storm myself, than watch him go through it. He is so strong for me. The day we found out how bad the cancer was, was the last time he let me see him break. He has been my rock ever since. He would not accept it. Death was never an option for me in his eyes. He would not let me accept it. No matter how sick I got, his faith was just as strong as mine. When I was hurting, he would do everything in his power to make me more comfortable. I remember one night in particular, Patrick had been working all the overtime he could get, because we knew I would not be working, and he was so tired. It was late. But he persistently tried to stop my pain before he would go to sleep. He got pillows and tried to set me up all comfy. When I was dry heaving in the toilet, nothing left in me, he would rub my back and tell me everything was going to be ok. Those things may seem small, but they were actually huge. It's not easy to let your husband see you this way. Weak, losing more eyebrows and pretty little eyelashes every day. But he makes me feel beautiful, even when I know I look my worst. He loves me unconditionally. He is such a great Father, husband, and friend. He is a fighter. I'm so glad that God put him on my team. We cannot be defeated.